Things to discuss during engagement period

by - August 07, 2014




Assalamu'alaikum wbt brothers and sisters! have a blessed day ahead. I hope it's not too late to wish every Muslim a Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Mubarak. Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum. May Allah accept (every ibadah), by me and you.

I remember one of my friends suggesting blog post(s) on marriage in Islamic perspectives but the idea didn't splurge until I had a catch up with my another friend, yesterday asking me several things on pre-marriage matters. Of course, I'm a newbie myself and heck I still got a long way to go! But then, no harm sharing eyh?

This is basically from my little experience and general reading. This isn't a peer-reviewed academic writing with proper construct and justifications on every points made. Only for leisure reading purposes alright.

So I kinda got engaged to Mr.Husband in January 2010 when he came and met my mother saying he would wait for my degree in New Zealand to end and marry this messy young adult. I was baffled by that and there goes my 3 years NZ experience with being moderate and loyal to the long distance relationship (LDR). Urghh geli gile bunyi. (-.-") No ring, no hantaran, no rombongan meminang. Just a pretty much mutual understanding on both sides with several things to consider. Anyway, I was about to leave Malaysia for NZ, excited, nervous, it's NZ okay! What kahwin2? Later.

Getting back to engagement, it is meant to be kept low so as to avoid humiliation or unnecessariness if things go awry. Because, people plan to tie the knot but Allah decides if it's gonna happen hence if it doesn't, that's okay. I know this is heartbreaking, but the heart won't break that much if less people know that your plan to marry the person is cancelled.

Engagement isn't your greenlight for lovey dovey. It's just a symbol that someone has booked you and nobody else can cut the line. Simple eyh. This also means that ikhtilat (proper way of interaction between genders) needs to be uphold and that is why Islam is a way of life because it tells you how to talk and behave with your fiancé/ee. The way you speak, think, interact with the fiancé/ee is the same as with the rest of your opposite gender. No physical touch, avoid communicating with lucrative voice tone, preserve your aurah etc.

Having said that, engagement is also a medium of discussions on the wedding/marriage. This is where i'm going straight forward. So during engagement, it is essential to have talk(s) on some issues/concerns as listed below:

1. when/where/how to get marry (nikad and reception)
2. children (planning or not, when, how many)
3. work especially for women (fixed/flexible working hours, working from home, working on self-business)
4 place to live (own house/in-laws/buy/rent)
5. agreement on certain commitment (Usrah/dakwah/tarbiyyah)

I only listed 5 points but believe me, this takes a lot of your time especially for LDR. Plus, have you heard the saying "Bila cinta dah melekat, tahi kucing jadi cokelat". It tries to say that you are potential to take these things for granted, feeling "okay I can handle that" or "anything for you dear, no.5 is fine for me" and stuff like that, but when the time really comes, barulah kita tahu tinggi rendah langit. So give these issues thorough thoughts, seek advices from the experienced, ask them what marriage is all about, how big is the commitment actually, is marriage manageable considering today's freaking deteriorating world/society we are living in. This is REALITY friends. All in all, good luck to future brides and groom, all the best to the newly-weds, and go go pengantin lama! 

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