To the ambitious young mothers

by - March 05, 2015

Due to the unexplainable "lie/filter policy", we are often permitted from saying the actual truth of our being. Even a little girl is always reminded to stick to the standard answer of "I'm fine, thank you" instead of expressing that "School has been quite tough for me actually and I'm not sure about bringing lunch box to school because the canteen has got awesome food!". Hence, we grow up thinking that people aren't really bother about our life issues, keep things just to yourself. 

As technology grows, we can now update and share our stories to others online. Name it, facebook, instagram, telegram, pinterest and it's a different story in today's society. From being reserved, people are turning into picturing their "perfect" life on these sites. 

The "perfect"ly baked midnight cheesecake  
The "perfect" drawing by your 2 years old
The "perfect" home cooked tuna casserole
The "perfect" spouse that made piping hot mushroom soup with crusty breads
The "perfect"ly loving pregnancy journey
The "perfect" childbirth experience
The "perfect" schedule that has been successfully accomplished..

...but reality has it that things usually turn awry with the cheesecake that didn't raise, the horrendous mess that was creatively created together with your 2 years old's drawings, the only once a year tuna casserole and the excruciatingly painful childbirth experience that you almost gave up in life. Face it people, life isn't that perfect and it's alright if yours don't seem to be like those on pinterest and instagram simply because they "filter" their stories to make them look perfect. 

Just so you know, it's always alright if you feel like giving up with motherhood, feeling that it seizes your self-worth that is normally based on your career, cooking, house condition, and how your fancy your baby looks.


And all of a sudden you be like "Why is motherhood stopping me from getting my dreams?"
"How do I get back to work if this freaking C-Section scar is still hurting me?"
"Now tell me, what time should I get up in the morning so I can be early at work like before?"
"I still have loads to do in life, I'm still young for God's sake please, I need a space"
The most common question is "Can I get my old body back?"

And it's fine to lose your confidence even if it draws you back from meeting the outside world because early motherhood experience is undeniably... horrifying?

Spiritually, 
All you need is some time to get yourself closer to the Creator, to pray hard so He would make it easy for you to work things out. In your prayers, say it clearly "O Allah, I'm not sure about redefining my priorities, which one comes first before what? Career, family, friend? Please help me Allah"

 Technically, 
1. Allow some room for trial and errors until you get the very best way to get things done
- disposable or cloth diapering?
- Breast milk or formula milk?
- who takes charge of bathing and changing nappies?
- how would your every morning be like, who switches off the lights and aircond, and who takes the baby to the daycare?

2. Communication
- Most men are quite poor in reading between the lines. If you don't let your husband know about your exact current state of emotions, chances are he won't realise a thing! And you'll end up stressing yourself.
- Let him know that you would be delighted if he could..... <insert a request>
- If he can't help with <insert a request>, jangan terus merajuk! Instead, think of another way to let him participate in this blessed parenting journey.

Yes, motherhood isn't a piece of cake but it shouldn't barricade you from chasing your dreams! Go for what you want in life, running your on business? leading a volunteering work? doing da'wah to the society? earn 5-digit monthly income? You gotta be creative and confident!

Just like the founder of Uswah Islamic Clothing, a dear friend I met five years back, who got married and was pregnant with her first daughter at 23, a young ambitious mother that resigned from work to focus on family, and she just couldn't sit still. Hence, the renowned wide shawl brand. A very close example (at least to me) of an ambitious young mother.

Go Uswah!
Go first time mothers!
Go go young mothers!

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